Our Girls' First Kitten

"What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours?

So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp."

{Marjorie Holmes}

Wednesday we got a kitten. She's Siamese, about 6 weeks old, and we call her Mitzi (or Mitzi-Moo, or Mitz, or Mitz-Marina as my 5 year-old likes to call her).

This is the first pet we've had in our almost 10 year marriage and the first pet our girls have had, other than some fish in a tank.

I'm not a huge animal person. Growing up, my sister always filled that role while I was the baby/kids person. She did the pet-sitting, I did the baby-sitting.

It wouldn't have been my choice to get a pet at this stage in life (or maybe ever) but I have great memories of getting a kitten when I was about 12. He was a little orange and white ball of fluff. I wanted my girls to have that experience too. So when Jonathan asked me for the millionth time if we could get the girls a pet, I caved.

Without further ado, some pictures of Mitzi and the girls:

Do you remember your first furry pet?

I'm still all flared up, and looking forward to a weekend of bed, heating pads and having my husband home.

What are your plans?

Popcorn, Canes and Contentment

I'm in a flare (maybe the last one didn't end, as my husband says). I've been using the cane again and spending as much time as possible in bed.

My husband Jonathan is a tall French Canadian with broad shoulders and an equally big heart. Tonight I was in bed with my older daughter. We were just hanging out, discussing important topics. While she designed our dream house on paper in pink ink, I did some Windows Shopping (what I call shopping online when you're not intending to buy anything...) So she's sketching out our new and improved home and I'm perusing new bedding for our new and improved bedrooms, and out in the kitchen Jonathan and our younger daughter Natalie are making popcorn.

Pretty soon I hear him say to Natalie, "Okay, I think we're going to go eat in Mommy & Daddy's bedroom," and here come my sweet 5 year-old and her handsome daddy, carrying a tray full of popcorn, bowls and our family's favorite toppings -- brewer's yeast (aka nutritional flakes) and grated cheddar. A stool for my laptop and a box of wet wipes and we're ready. All four of us get arranged in the Big Bed and we put on a movie, dim the lights, and start munching popcorn. Pain or not, I'm content.

It's hard to feel so poorly so much of the time. The pain can be really scary; it can whittle me down to an exhausted, impatient version of myself. I worry sometimes not only about my future, but about what this may be doing to my daughters and my husband.

I read a quote that says something like children who are raised by a mother with crutches will learn to walk with a limp. The concept haunts me as I limp out to the kitchen this morning, holding onto both hall walls for support as my oldest runs unprompted to bring me my cane.

The new nerve pain is scary and hard to deal with. A simple grocery shopping trip reminds me how bad I am doing as I begin to limp and have to get my folding cane out of my bag. People look, confused, at this thirties mama who is wearing boots and a skirt, holding hands with a little girl and yet clutches a cane and walks with a limp. It is easy to just look down and not be bothered by their inquisitive stares, but I try to look up and smile at them instead. This makes me happy, because I am showing them that while I may walk with a cane, I am just fine inside.

Before I go to bed, I go into the bedroom my girls share, and check on them. I love this quiet time every night, the maternal feelings that wash over me as I smooth hair out of their faces, tuck them back in properly, pat their sweet little selves. Tonight I feel a lump form in my throat and I think, "If the trade off for all of this love and happiness in my life is AS, I will bear it gladly."

Too Much Fun

Had to share this video I made with my four year-old. She talks about her day

involving church,

 lunch with family,

art,

 tea and cookies

 and about her love for her daddy.

Hope your weekend is "too much fun" as well.

Snow Days to Remember

Recipe for a Memorable Snow Day:

Snow

2 Sweet Girls

Hot Coffee & Hot Cocoa

Movies & Blankets

Coats & Mittens

Cookie Baking

Mix together. Photograph each part. Slow down & Enjoy!

"Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do -

or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so."

Stanley Crawford

I'll Remember...

Last night, after my little girls were tucked in and sleeping snugly, I got to work...

I set the table for Valentine's morning with place mats, doilies, china tea cups & saucers, chocolates and candy hearts and tiny dishes filled with heart-shaped marshmallows.

In the center of the table, I filled a little tin basket with tiny notebooks and pens. {Because you just never know who you'll want to jot a little note to on Valentine's Day.}

I went to bed, snug in the arms of the man who has been my Valentine for the last 9 years, and fell asleep to music we listened to when we were dating.

Early this morning, I woke to the sound of little girls, as usual. I got up, eager to implement the day's plans...

Their little faces, 4  and 7, were filled with wonder as Hannah proclaimed,

"This is the BEST Valentine's Day EVER!"

and Natalie asked, "Can I eat my chocolate NOW?"

We had cinnamon rolls and apple slices and yogurt. Little girls had hot cocoa with marshmallows, while Jonathan & I enjoyed coffee with chocolate raspberry creamer.

For one morning, Mama was not ill. Mama was not in pain. All the world was magic. {That's what they'll remember.}

I'll remember their faces, full of delight, and Hannah saying,

"Valentine's Day is a day to let all your love out...
That's what it's all about."

I'll remember the handmade card she made me that said,

The BeST DaYes Kum Wenn You ARe NIR

{the best days come when you are near}

I'll remember little Natalie, sidling up beside me to wordlessly rub my back now and then.

I'll remember my husband walking in the front door at the end of the day, tall and handsome, carrying a bouquet of red tulips and an envelope which read

Jennifer
My
Love

That's what I'll remember.

What will you remember?

Reflections on An Evening in the Mist

It's sunset on a Wednesday evening in August, and I step out of a bookstore to wet mist and the aroma of sickeningly sweet salt water taffy. Inside the candy store, wood flooring greets my Mary Jane flats and I stick a quarter in an electric player piano and the whole store turns to look at me as jazzy bar tunes explode from the piano that is playing itself.

All of my senses are completely delighted.

It's like a welcome vacation from real life. Real life with disease and a painful joint condition. Real life with work and stress. Real life with laundry and dishes and dirty floors. Real life with insomnia and rough mornings.

This, right here and right now, can stay.

New books and comfy leggings and knit dresses and little girls holding hands with their daddy and player piano music in a candy store at sunset in a little coastal town one summer evening in the mist.

I {Heart} Tulips!

Tulips are my favorite flower. In April our family visited two tulip farms/festivals. I loved it and hope to make tulip festivals a spring tradition. Here are some pictures of our visit to the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival in Woodburn, Oregon.

My daughter, Hannah (6)
My daughter Natalie (3)

Natalie wanted to smell every.single.tulip
Hannah was game to help her try
Every tulip was beautiful
They did the best they could to smell them all

But when all was said and done...
...there were just too many.

We had a wonderful afternoon tiptoeing through the tulips
The girls posed with their favorite color tulips
I couldn't pick a favorite
I can't wait to go back next year

17 things i'm loving... {st. patrick's day}

1. daffodils & tulips

2. puffy white clouds

3. colored sky behind black tree & building silhouettes

4. bookstores

5. coffee shops

 6. being a family

7. my red laptop, affectionally called rouge

8. the pacific ocean

9. canson wirebound 7x10 journals

10. my live art.fully necklace, made by fabulous jewelry designer & blogger, lisa leonard.

11. kelle hampton's blog Enjoying the Small Things. kelle is a mother of 2 darling girls, professional photographer and writer. she blogs about the beauty in every day.

12. the growing journaling community on our live art.fully facebook fan page. become a fan and be a part of the discussions & inspiration.

13. hazelnut coffee creamer

14. lounge pants

15. the sound of the pouring rain late at night

16. pandora. register for free and type in your favorite song or artist. pandora creates a radio station based on what you entered. it's a great way to discover new artists.

17. a couple of green-clad girls, who are part irish.

what are you loving? 

Finding Sacredness in My Corner of the World

I was thinking today about how content I am, doing just what I do in my life right now. I start the day snuggling two little girls, who are more awake than I am, in my chair the color of chocolate. I make a pot of coffee and take pleasure in watching the steam rise in curls out of a teal mug. I cook a pot of oatmeal or griddle up some chocolate chip pancakes. I pack lunch in a purple monkey box and help my little blonde firstborn pick out her outfit for school. I smooth tangled locks into cornsilk pigtails and pontails. I inspect brushed teeth, and check to see if shoes are on the right feet. I make sure homework sheets are completed, reading sheets are ready to hand in, and check the calendar so I can give Hannah a heads-up of what's happening at school.

I grab my bag and a lanky 3 year-old wearing her favorite brown boots, and we're out the door with Hannah running ahead, her bright blue Tinkerbell backpack bouncing. Sometimes we're happy and sometimes we're frazzled. Sometimes Natalie's still in pajamas, and I'm yelling, "C'mon, c'mon, we're late!" Sometimes we're early and have time to, literally, stop and smell the [daffodils].

We drive to school, talking about the day or about Hannah's classmates, or about afterschool plans. Sometimes one of the girls makes a special song request. When we've started the day off in not the best way, I ask Hannah to say a prayer on the way to school. And she does. And I reach back and squeeze her little hand in mine, and tell her I love her.

I make a point, no matter how the morning began, to hug her tightly in front of her school and tell her, "I love you. I'm so proud of you. I'll see you at 3 o'clock." The other day, she said, "I love you too," and dashed to the front door, before turning back to holler, "Don't forget!"

These are the moments I know that I am loved. These are the affirmations that so unexpectedly crop up to erase the uncertainties. Do they know I love them? Does she know that I'm so proud of her? Am I telling them enough, and showing them enough, that they are precious? Will she grow to be confident and walk tall? Am I building them up or squashing them?

I desire, so strongly, to love well. Anybody can love, but to love well takes effort. It takes intention and planning and quality time.

Natalie & I drive home to our little red house where we do things like start a load of laundry, tidy up the kitchen, cuddle on the couch, and play in the playroom. She finds me unloading the dishwasher, and says, "I could help you!" in her chirpy little voice that is like music.

It may not sound like much, but it's wonderful. From a young age, my biggest wishes were to be married and be a mother. As I grew up I added "writer" to my list of dreams. Throughout the years, there were obstacles that loomed so large I feared my dreams were unattainable.

But they weren't.

I met a man who is an impeccable model of loving well. He has loved me whether I was sick or well, "thick" or thin, happy or sad, thriving or just surviving. He has never wavered, not even for a moment, in his commitment to me.

And then we made a family... this beautiful duo of silky-haired little women who giggle and run and squabble and color (sometimes on the walls) while Natalie chirps, "I art-ing, Mama!"

This life, small as it may be, is what great things are made of.

"The Life of Me & Nally" by guest blogger, Hannah (age 6)

This day was a good day.

On Saturday, is the best day, sort of... This Saturday I get to go to Grama's house.

This was 2 nights ago. This was the first day that I had my pajamas that I'm wearing in this picture. I love the pajamas. Last night, I weared them. I got them dirty because I spilled some tea on them this morning. Daddy didn't give it to me; I got into the tea myself. It was Valentime's tea. I knew how to make tea. It was yummy. I putted 4 cubes of sugar in it, and that was as yummy as it got.

Today so far has been the best day of my life. And it's pretty fun, because I'm going to have to change 4 times today. So I just like today, because it's a good day. And that would be the end of my blog.

One Spring-like Winter Afternoon at the Playground...

I have two daughters. They are 6 and 3 years old. My younger daughter is afraid of dogs, just as her sister was at this age. One time we went to the playground. The athletic field there is bordered by residential houses and backyards. From behind a fence came a ferocious-sounding bark. Natalie ran to me in fear, even younger than she is now, and as I lifted her into my arms, she asked, wide-eyed, "Is it a dog, or a giraffe?"

Skip forward to today. We were back at the same playground, taking advantage of natural Vitamin D on an astoundingly gorgeous February day. A man and a woman were at the playground with two large dogs. They began to run closer to us so I called for Natalie to come to me, as I knew she would be terrified of the dogs. I again lifted her into my arms and held her close.

Natalie: "Why do they have dogs?"

Me: "They like dogs."

Natalie: Well, I don't."

Me: "I know you don't. But someday you might."

Natalie, breaking into a huge smile: "When I'm a big girl? And I'll say, 'Look, Mommy! A dog's coming! I LOVE DOGS!!'"

It occurred to me that we could all take a lesson from my little 3 year-old. So often we think that fear is permanent; that things that seem unchanging can't be altered. But sometimes, with time and personal growth, fear dissipates into understanding, and then maybe even joy.

Perhaps real courage is being open to change, and to looking fear in the face and asking, "Are you a dog or a giraffe?"

What are you afraid of?

Things We Do

1.) Visit the library and stock up on new & old favorites in the children's section. Watch my girls make a puppet show. My 3 year-old might find new must-have shoes on a random child and ask to try them on. My 5 year-old might arrange all the big stuffed animals around a circular colored table and set them all up reading Curious George. I might sit and scribble in my notebook for 5 minutes, all while being interrupted by the chirpy 3 year-old's need to go potty, or my need to chase said 3 year-old down before she scales the stairs to the (shhhhhh!) adult section. My 5 year-old and I might track down books I read as a child (can I describe these troves as vintage yet?) And undoubtedly, we will leave with so many books & movies in my big tote that my back is nearly out of alignment by the time we get to the car.

2.) Go on a walk to the nearby school playground, where we swing (sometimes even me), slide (last time my 5 year-old slid through a standing puddle from the rain, and left the playground with a wet rump, completely unamused), run pel-mel across the field while Mama cheerleads, "GO! Good running! Wow, you're fast! Look at you, you're flying!!!!" secretly thinking perhaps this will tire them out and they'll sleep REALLY well tonight... "3" loves to stand behind a little plastic ledge and pretend she works at a coffee shop. I have no idea where she learned about coffee.... ;-) "5" likes to play some version of hop scotch and tether ball and she especially loves when there are other kids to interrogate, er...., get acquainted with. I especially love to photograph all of this random merriment.

3.) Enjoy a 15 minute drive to the beach, all the while listening to music and enjoying the relaxation of sitting, which can only be truly appreciated by parents of Small Children Who Love To Run & Climb. 15 minutes that "5" and "3" are buckled safely & securely into their car seats. When we get there we might jump in the tide with our pantlegs rolled up (or, if you're "3" you might just ditch the britches altogether...), make a sandcake with stick-and-feather candles, "3" might chase seagulls or scatter Goldfish crackers for them to snack on, and once again, Mama might recline against a log and attempt to scribble profound thoughts in a notebook for 5 minutes. "5" might pick the little purple wildflowers and "3" will definitely haul rocks about and sort them into piles. Before or afterwards we might take 30 lovely minutes to get a snack at the nearby coffee shop and "3" will play with toys the establishment keeps on hand for kids just like herself, and "5" will definitely ask for a vanilla steamer. We will laugh and fill our bellies to satisfaction and then go home and wash our sandy feet in the bathtub, because Mama likes playing, but also likes tidiness.

4.) Come home from Kindergarten and after-school errands, change into comfy clothes, make tea (or pink milk for "3"), and pile onto the couch all in a heap to decompress. Mama might read 6 or 8 or 10 children's books, or we might watch "Free Willy" (because "5" adores whales), or "Parent Trap" (the new or the old version will do), or if we are feeling particularly sacrificial, watch an episode of "Dora" (because "3" is attached to the little explorer, and her voice which makes Mama's ears bleed, and her little pal Boots the Monkey [probably because of his stylish red footwear]).

5.) Create Art at our dining table where "3" will use crayons and "5" will need markers or colored pens and a host of paper/coloring books, and definitely tape, because "5" has discovered that she can be a veritable ENGINEER if she just has TAPE. If they get really involved in their creations, Mama will (you guessed it) attempt to scribble in her notebook for 5 minutes.

6.) Have tea parties. Sometimes these involve invitations and RSVPs and fine ladies and small descendants and a tea kettle and boxes of tea and silver spoons and a tribe of mugs and a tall glass canister of sugar and a little pitcher of cream. More often, the parties happen at the round coffee table in the living room, atop our finest tablecloth (a baby blanket), laid with our fanciest play teacups (fancy enough to actually chip and shatter) on our fanciest saucers, with tiny silver spoons placed before each large stuffed friend, who answer to names like Tigger, Pooh, and Jagbar the Orangutan (stand-up fellow, that one!)

These are the memories we are making. These are the days and the moments I will remember. These are the things I do when I "don't have time" and have "things I need to do" and when my floor is dirty and the laundry is formed into small mountains by my washing machine. And I never regret it. And after two little girls are snug in their beds, I sometimes stay up late recording our little moments and epic adventures, and I indulge in the quiet and take more than 5 minutes (!), scribbling their little girl dialogue and thought-provoking questions into my notebook and pasting in the photographs that (attempted to) capture the moment.