Introducing.... My Word of Intention 2014

"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have the capacity at the beginning."

 {Mahatma Ghandi}

I've been thinking about my word for this year for probably six weeks, and it's been one of the main things on my mind recently. To be honest, where RECLAIM arrived whole and perfect last year, this year's word plagued me. Starting about last summer a word had fluttered into my life and landed... and that word, OVERCOME, was one that almost became my word this year. But I just wasn't quite certain. Another word almost made it: CLIMB. A word that would represent the daily journey of struggling, effort, perseverance, and the beauty waiting when we don't give up. 

But it wasn't as pretty a word as I wanted. And though it represented, for me personally, an intangible mental process I take on every day, I knew that by itself, it wasn't as self-explanatory as I might want.

"As is our confidence, so is our capacity." {William Hazlitt}

And then yesterday, when I was still engaged in the wrestling process of words, this word came to me...

CAPACITY

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." {Mahatma Ghandi}

CAPACITY excited me, inspired me, and empowered me, and it did so on a day I am struggling with bronchitis/pneumonia. That was a litmus test for me -- as physical struggle is a regular part of my life, I need a word that will push and carry and comfort me on the bad days as well as the days that I feel I am capable on my own.

CAPACITY. To sum it up in five words, to me it means "I have what it takes."

It represents the infinite ability within us all -- to love, to be loved, to imagine and create, to build and invent, to grow, change, achieve, and yes, OVERCOME obstacles.

In the daily climb, CAPACITY is the mental fortitude to press on when legs throb. It is mind over matter. It is being Brave Enough. It is Doing it Anyway.

"The ultimate creative capacity of the brain may be, for all practical purposes, infinite." {George Leonard}

But I also needed a word that could mean finite. That wouldn't feel bossy when I needed the ability to be gracious with myself. When I need to rest more than press on. 

CAPACITY: maxed out. 

In these instances, CAPACITY will serve to remind me that while I may not have the physical capacity today, I will have it another day. 

I'm excited to see what CAPACITY and I can do together this year. Some of the specific things I want to be intentional about this year are using my words more. I didn't read or write much at all in 2013, and as a writer who was first a voracious reader, that doesn't speak well to me being my best self, on a soul level. I want to use my words to inspire and encourage people. I want my words to elevate and uplift, not to harm.

I see the capacity in YOU and I hope you let your potential take you places this year!

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable." {Steve Maraboli}

What is YOUR word this year?

My Word for the New Year {2013}

There's a lot of me that has been altered through the past few years; taken or temporarily taken over by chronic illness and bouts of severe, unrelenting pain. It snatches bits of sanity, social life, creativity, inspiration, it takes the dreams, the goals, the best parts of self, even as I've fought to retain them.

This last fall I changed my treatment plan, and began feeling significantly better just over a month ago. 2012 closed with me feeling alternately battered and vibrant. Battered by much of what happened in 2012, and vibrant because the relief leaves me breathless, weightless, floating... so much weight off my shoulders.

I've chosen a Word of the Year for the past three years. In 2010 I chose NEST to remind myself of my priority of building a sacred, safe, nurturing shelter for my young daughters and our family. In 2011, fighting Ankylosing Spondylitis in earnest, I chose STILL to remind myself to be still and know that God had a plan, to be still and rest, that no matter what happened in my future, I was still God's and I still had purpose. In 2012, yearning to not let life pass me by regardless of a life with chronic illness, I chose AWAKE. I wanted to focus on staying awake to life, to dreams, to opportunities, and to the everyday moments of grace and joy. 

Awake was a word of mixed results. I gave it a valiant effort -- I traveled cross-country with my family for 2.5 weeks, I attended a writing conference, I joined a writing critique group, I focused on my book, I enrolled my girls in ballet class, and saw a passion for dance awaken in Hannah.

There were also times that Awake seemed a bad joke. Severe fatigue and pain dragging me under water, at times making it impossible to join in to life. The last few months of 2012 were particularly difficult and grueling. But as the saying goes, the darkest was just before dawn, and less than a week after Thanksgiving I began to awake once more: ideas, more energy, less pain, more smiles and more laughter, and simply feeling more like myself again.

I'm still battling AS, but it's not as big of a foe right now. So I'm going into 2013 inspired to RECLAIM the me that chronic challenges threatened.

I want to Reclaim parts of myself that were put on the back burner while so very ill. I want to write, I want to reclaim stability in our home, reclaim the dreams and the goals, reclaim ability vs. disability, reclaim so very many things.

I know that I may continue to improve, or that my pain may climb back up the scale along with my fatigue. If that happens, I will fight again, and I will give myself the gift of grace and understanding, knowing that I have always done my best, no matter the degree of difficulty.

I want to claim space for myself, and claim physical space for writing in our home. I did that today, creating a little corner of my own with a rolltop desk and my writing supplies. I organized my art supplies and put stacks of notecards in the cubbies of the desk.

I am reclaiming the precious relationships I have with my daughters, now that I once again have the ability to be emotionally present in our conversations and one-on-one time, not sequestered away from them by the barrier of pain I couldn't ignore.

I feel inspired and intentional going into this new year. It will be my mission to reclaim my identity apart from chronic illness. 

Reclaim: to rescue from an undesirable state; to restore to a precious natural state.

Staying Awake to Life

My word this year is more active than last year's. Last year I chose Still. This year I choose AWAKE!

I want to stay awake to the moments. I want to wake up and not just dream dreams but take steps to make them reality.

So far so good this year....

I have dreamed of enrolling my oldest daughter in ballet classes since she was about two years old. She is turning eight this week and she and her sister will attend their fourth ballet class.

From the age of five, I have loved reading. I read voraciously through my childhood and when I stopped to take a breath, around the age of twelve, I realized I was also a writer. For years I have dreamed of writing a book. In 2007 I started one. I began to tell a story about a man who experienced heartbreaking loss and  unconventionally learned to love again. That man is my late grandfather. I write in fits and starts, around other dreams, goals and responsibilities. Last summer I was on a roll. This year I dove back in, and finally chose a title, after 4.5 years and many working titles. I emailed a NY Times best-selling memoir author and teacher. I got serious about telling this story.

This year, I want to learn to stay awake to life: to invest in what will help us grow; to continue to capture the moments and the beauty all around; to say YES to life!

Celebrate the Moments, Release the Expectations

It's been about a month since I was here last, typing in this space, and I've missed it. The month of December is overwhelming in almost every way, and add in a chronic illness that flares and it becomes quite a challenge. Having said that, I find it the most magical time of the year and I had a great Christmas season. I will share some of our moments with you soon.

For now though, we are starting a new year and I am trying to choose my One Little Word for 2012. I started this tradition in 2010 with the word Nest. I chose that year to focus on our home and family. I wanted to create a cozy, warm, artful home and focus on nourishing my little chicks.

In 2011, I chose Still.  I was diagnosed in 2010 with a chronic autoimmune disease, and I wanted to remember in 2011 to slow down, to rest (both physically and mentally), and to remember that no matter what, God still has a plan and a purpose for me.

This year I want to continue to learn how to celebrate the moments while letting go of expectations. I don't want to live on auto-pilot. I don't want to do things because I should do them or because they are expected. I want to spend my days on things that my family has chosen and implemented because we feel they are worthwhile.

I want to slow down in the moments -- unlearn multitasking every moment and remember that sometimes multitasking doesn't lead to getting more done, it just leads to frenzy and not really being able to focus.

This year I want to practice the art of being present in each moment. I want to give the person or task in each moment the undivided attention it deserves. Life is a gift. Every moment of life is a gift and it won't be back. We spend it while we live it -- whether we are present and absorbing it, or wishing it away, or too busy to notice it slipping by. I am still trying to determine the best word to use for that. Any thoughts?

So are you choosing a word for the new year? I would love to hear about it in the comments. If you've written a blog post about it, feel free to link to your post in a comment. And if you haven't chosen a word, but have something you are resolving to do or improve at, tell us about it. I'd love to hear where your heart and head is as you are starting your new year.