Still

Last year was my first year to adopt a "Word of the Year" and I encouraged you to choose a word as well. The idea behind Word of the Year, or One Little Word as Ali Edwards calls it, is to choose a word to focus your year or your mindset for the year. It's a way to set a very specific priority.

Last year I chose Nest. Nest served me well in 2010 as I focused on raising little girls, making our home a refuge, homeschooling, nourishing our family with fresh bread and hot soups, and creating a comfortable and peaceful dwelling place. When illness struck, it reminded me to simplify; to use my energy wisely.

This year, I mulled over three different words before choosing Still.

A couple of posts ago, I reported feeling better, that although still not well, my treatment plan was helping me. Soon after I typed those words, my condition flared up again.

It's hard to paint a picture for you of what my life is like right now. If you live near me and see me out and about, you might see me limping or looking fatigued, or you might see me looking put together and think I was fine. The truth is that if I'm out and about, it usually means that either I'm having a better day than most, or I have responsibilities I must fulfill. Either way, I expend a great deal of energy, and may well pay for it for days to come. What you don't see is the pajamas and slippers, the heating pad and the pain meds, the recliner and the bed, the rest times and the struggle to get to the phone before it stops ringing.

This health trial has drawn me closer to God, and for that I am truly thankful. I find myself drawn into His hands and His presence in a new way. One that feels richer and more vital than ever before. I don't know what tomorrow holds and sometimes I fear the future and its possibilities, but I know that He is holding me.

So I chose Still ...

• To remind me to rest, both physically and spiritually ("Be still and know that He is God." Psalm 46:10)
• To encourage me that no matter what, God is still the great God He has always been, He still walks with me, and I am still His girl ("I still belong to You; You hold my hand." Psalm 73:23)

 "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever."
Psalm 73:26  {new living translation}

I want to remember that I am special and God still has a great purpose and plan for my life. Life in a recliner? God can still use that, especially if I am writing for Him. Life in a wheelchair? God can still use that too, no problem. I know, too, that despite physical adversity, if I keep my attitude positive and my eyes open, I will grow. I can still do what I've always felt called to do -- encourage. I can still be a mom and be a good one, even if I can't do everything I want to, or do it alone, or do it perfectly. Sometimes perfection is just perception anyway.

I want to remember to stand tall and keep fighting and not give in to the lies that I am not good enough. I am still just what God can use.