I'm holding my breath... in life, and on the page. I've noticed this pattern in myself when life gets scary. I hold my breath.
I finally came to this composition screen for you -- my friends, family, readers whom I've never met.
One of you emailed me recently and said that you feel connected to me, because someone you love lives with chronic pain. You said when I don't post for a while you get concerned.
I hate the idea of concerning you.
So here I am....
{shy little wave}
I'm feeling pulled in. Pulled into myself, to my house, to my physical frame. It's quiet in here, listening to the beat of my heart, and sometimes it's loud... the thud of fear echoing off walls.
There's no point in worrying. I know this. I understand this. But when it's your life, your future, your uncertainty, you might fear too, I think.
It's been a rough few months. I've been doggy-paddling, keeping my face above water, trying not to drown in the incessant fatigue and pain that stalks. I've been keeping hope on the horizon, centering it in my sights. I've been counting my blessings, naming things I'm grateful for... recycling the smallest of daily minutia into joy, squeezing it through the thanksgiving mill I'm hand cranking.
Perhaps you're here too?
Keep looking for beauty.
Keep taking one more step.
Keep counting your gifts.
Keep taking one more breath.
When the results come in, and the dark night passes, surely there will be a new day.
Wow! You hit the nail right on the head with me tonight. Reminding me to "breathe"... I really do understand the holding your breath through the pain and scary parts of life. I do it so often I don't even realize it. I struggle daily with the pain and exhaustion of fibromyalgia which is scary enough on it's own, but. currently my 12 year old son is in the hospital with a very severe staph infection in his blood stream, bone and muscle. So I once again find myself holding my breath. And yet learning, as I watch the nurses instruct him during a blood draw to breathe out when it hurts so bad. I didn't even put it together until I read your post. I need to just breathe. Thank you for sharing and I pray the Lord's healing and comforting hand on you especially during the scary times of life.
ReplyDeleteHeartfelt thanks for your comment. What a terrifying time your family is in. I will pray for your son. It's easy to think that sharing the hard is only passing around negativity. And then someone like you leaves a comment like this. Humbled. Grateful we're never alone.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet friend, I'm sorry life has been so hard lately. Keep pressing on; keep running the race. You are doing a marvelous job. Your life, as I see it through my computer screen, encourages me to keep going and to keep being joyful even on the hard days. I'm praying for you, Jennifer.
ReplyDeletePainfully beautiful. You are in my thoughts, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI understand.
Theresa
I too hold my breath when I'm scared. Even if it's playing Bach, I see the run coming and hold my breath--and then I can't move, my hands won't work, and I crash and burn without even realizing why I am now immobilized. "Just Breathe" has been a mantra of mine for the past eight years, but it's something I still need to be reminded of daily. I still panic and forget to breathe. And breathing reduces the panic for me, makes it so I can take the next step, hit the next note, make it through the next moment.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry that life is closing in and so frightening. I get scared for you, too. Even when you write about such things, your writing and thoughts are so beautiful. Love you!