On Listening and Learning

"God has not only read your story, He wrote it."

Max Lucado

Over a year ago, God planted the seed of an idea in my heart. The idea to homeschool my daughters. While I've always known that I desired to be a mother, and that motherhood was, in fact, my greatest dream in life, I never thought I would homeschool.

When the idea began to take root and grow, I searched and searched for the origin. Where did it come from? I spoke with trusted people in my life, journaled and journaled and journaled about it, made lists of pros and cons, researched alternatives, researched curricula, and read books on homeschooling. I couldn't shake the idea that this was what I should do. 

After months of grappling, I finally made the decision to homeschool. This decision brought indescribable peace.

Shortly afterward, I was hit with my first major, unrelenting flare. I have not felt well for over a year now. Last summer was spent at multiple doctors' offices, having lab work done, waiting for results, waiting for consults. And shortly after we began our homeschool year, I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, a chronic inflammatory disease that attacks the spine and joints, often causing pain, fatigue, difficulty with mobility, and worse.

Homeschool has been different than I envisioned. It's difficult to be chronically ill with children, let alone be responsible for their education and attend to all of my other responsibilities. But the things I wanted -- reading together, encouraging a love of reading and creativity, prolonging childhood, having more quality time together -- are happening.

I believe God nudged me into homeschooling; that it was His will for our family. He knows the end from the beginning, so of course He knew when He began to nudge that I would get sick and that chronic illness would be a factor in this plan.

So I conclude that if He nudged and it was His plan and He knew I would develop Ankylosing Spondylitis, He also planned to provide what it required.

I don't write this to compare homeschooling with traditional schooling. The point is the reminder I've experienced: learn to listen. Looking back, I see that the best aspects of my life began with just a nudge.