Thoughts on Healing

Healing is a touchy topic. Especially when you are the one deemed needful of healing.

There are all kinds of healing -- physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, social, marital.

Throughout my three plus decades I've experienced a few of those. Not necessarily instant or dramatic. Not easy.

I have felt conflicted when people suggest I pray for healing, get anointed, etc....

I wasn't sure why that was. It's not that I want to be sick and in pain.

During this past weekend, while attending a Women of Faith conference, some of my thoughts and feelings on the subject became more clear. I haven't written about it for a few days, trying to allow time to process it more fully.

I hesitate to put it here because of reactions and comments. I hesitate because I'm not sure I can express it clearly enough.

But here it is anyway:

I believe healing comes in different forms.
I believe healing looks and feels different to different people.
I believe my healing might come in the form of physical pain & disease.

i'll give us all a minute to think about that.

I want what God wants for me.

I desire to be the woman He created me to be. I trust His plan for my life.

If that includes this, so be it.

Please understand, I don't make that statement lightly. It doesn't mean that I won't fight and keep searching for effective treatments. It doesn't mean I'm giving up. It doesn't mean I'm succumbing.

It means that as I go to physical therapy, do my exercises, endure times of severe physical pain, limp, swallow vitamins, swallow medications, drink lots of water, take my heating pad to bed every night..... as I do those things, as I fight the best I can, I trust.

I trust He knows what's best for me.

And while all of this doesn't appear to be the best, if it draws me to His heart, if it forms me into who I am created to be, if it helps shape His plan for me, I trust.

*all images in this post taken by our friend Terence McLeod.


  1. Oh, my sweet Jennifer, I stand beside you with each and every word you wrote. "If it draws me to His heart, if it forms me into who I am created to be..." These are amazing and powerful words. This is faith. This is trust. And I believe with you, my friend.

    Simply beautiful.


  2. I have found the same thing on my 5 year journey with chronic and life altering illness. I hate to see the disappointment/frustration in peoples eyes when they pray for me and I arent instantly healed. I never thought I would say it, but I have learnt a lot in these years. It has given me time, space and well forced me into counselling, meditation, listening to my body etc I have had to opportunity to examine things that I had been running from or ignoring. I struggle some days, some days I get sick of the battle, and I miss my career, but I have actually changed in ways I couldnt have dreamed of. Thankyou for your posts. Its good not to feel so alone xx

  3. Thank you for your comment. I believe we can allow hard circumstances to help us grow. It sounds like you have done that. :-)

  4. Kim, your support and sisterhood is priceless. <3

  5. I completely agree Jenn. I know that there is the common thought that if you are not healed it is because you aren't praying enough or correctly, or that your faith is weak. But how much more faith and trust one must have when doing so in the midst of pain.
    You'll find no judgment here Friend :)

  6. Precious Friend,
    I feel your words as if they had physical power over me. I, too, struggle with the judgments I feel from some who question why I haven't been healed; why I haven't sufficiently claimed God's promises to heal all our/my diseases.
    I have come to understand that sometimes it takes more faith NOT to be healed, than to be healed. This is not to compare my situation with yours or any others. This is just about me. I too, feel that I am healed spiritually, as I trust Him to do whatever is best--whatever HE wants to do, for me, in me, through me. So if I suffer, if I struggle to step on my tender aching feet, if I am wakeful at night because I hurt, so be it. I am reminded to talk to Jesus in those times. How can that NOT be healing to my soul?
    Standing with you, in a place of trust,

  7. So beautifully said. I can relate, although I'll be the first to admit I have not walked in your shoes... I am only beginning to understand that my own path may include surrender when instead I had dreamt of a return to "normal." And my prayer these past few days is for Him to meet me here in this place of constant fatigue and inability to function as I once did, and letting go of what once was... just meet me here...

    Truly, your words are very healing as they speak to the heart of a weary soul :) Thank you

  8. Thankfully I have not received that comment yet, but I have friends with chronic illnesses who have.

    I agree with you -- Living with pain takes a lot of faith & trust sometimes.

  9. Thank YOU, Vicky. my prayer these days is similar. Praying that God will meet me where I'm at every day and gift me with the grace I need for that day.

  10. Healed spiritually.... exactly the process I feel I am in. And isn't that far more important than physical healing. I am only in this body for this lifetime. Hugs to you, my dear friend.

  11. I am so glad you wrote what you did! I know exactly what you are talking about - and it took me some time to get to this point.
    These past few years have been very difficult for me because of my diseases. The loss I have suffered has been great - my health, running, friends, job, hobbies, social life, homemaking...the list is endless. BUT... the healing I have experienced in spite of my illnesses is something that for one, I never expected - and two, would not trade for anything in the world. In understanding my own death, I have been given life. A life I never knew existed.
    My healing did indeed come in the form of being sick - and I am completely okay with that.
    Thank you for your words - they are bold and beautiful.

  12. Dear Jennifer,
    I'm so glad you started this discussion. Let me join my voice to the chorus of those who see God's healing in different ways. My MS pain and fatigue stinks (taking away my ability to do things I love - like teaching second graders). My husband gives me weekly interferon shots. It's an effort to do water walking three times each week. I do it to maintain my mobility.
    But I'm exceedingly grateful for the work it has done in my heart - conforming me to His image. I have daily opportunities to experience God's faithfulness.
    I know my illness is also being used to encourage others. They know I have constant pain and fatigue but can't deny the joy and peace I get from the Lord!

  13. Theresa, thank you for adding your experience & perspective.

  14. I appreciate this post so much. I know it must have taken great courage to write this. Healing is a touchy subject, among the sick as well as the healthy.

    It has been my experience that people often just want to pray for physical healing, and they focus their prayers primarily on that. It always makes me uncomfortable when people pray for my healing and only for my healing. I would love to be healed, but there are other things that are so much more important! God has a plan and a purpose in the midst of suffering. My greatest desire is to glorify God, and if that includes living a life with a disability, so be it. God can use suffering to accomplish great good. Just look at His Son! Jesus' suffering and death wasn't good, but it brought about great good - salvation for all who believe!

    God is powerful, and He can certainly heal if He desires. But what if His plan is greater than that? I'm leaving the decision for healing in His hands, and I am praying that God would use me to serve and glorify Him, whatever the state of my health may be.

    I am thinking of you and praying for you as you face this long road of suffering from Ankylosing Spondylitis. May you suffer well and glorify God with your life. May the Lord use this to make you more like Jesus.

  15. "Daily opportunities to experience God's fathfulness...." Yes! Thank you, Vicki!

  16. Thank you, Rachel for your encouragment. I just love your words here: "I am praying that God would use me to serve and glorify Him, whatever the state of my health may be."

    That is my prayer too, my friend.

  17. That is very well expressed, and I know from my experience that such words are not the product of the moment but rather of much thought and prayer over the course of time. This is great wisdom, to understand that healing comes in different forms and processes. I'm thankful that God understands what we truly need, and that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. Thank you for writing your thoughts!

  18. Bless your heart for expressing your thoughts so beautifully. Trusting the Father's heart - that is all there really is.


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